i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
