i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
