There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
