I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
