Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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