Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
