We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize