I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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