at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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