mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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