I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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