I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
