his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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