I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
