She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
