the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
