Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
