Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
