I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
