Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I faked an abortion last night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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