The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
