how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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