he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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