Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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