I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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