as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
