Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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