Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
