Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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