i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Found your dick twin last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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