Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Still dying that you shit outside
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
