Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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