the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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