Quick, to the slutcave!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
