I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
