you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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