remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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