What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
