this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
