so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
