I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
