Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
