On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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