About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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