I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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