Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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