it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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