I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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