I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
