Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
