sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
