A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
