I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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