My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
