I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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