My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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