I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
