I'm gonna have a badass scar
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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