He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
