Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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