Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
