I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
