Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
